How do we miss
and continue to love
the ones who have hurt us

is it the moments
though brief
full of promises

never kept
always broken

(breadcrumbs for
emaciated birds)

shards of
good intentions
through stubborn
normally thick
with ease

(tis but a flesh wound…)

like tiny splinters
hidden deep under fingernails

there throbs
a constant pain
of remembering
what was
what could have been
what will never be


my fingers twitch
an itching under the tips
a nervous searching
for the smooth feel
of the skin
across your cheekbone

they tap
impatient and out of sync
a restless dance of
unable to sit

my mouth
a continuous
phantom tingle
my lips
so i keep them
pressed tight
to dismiss
them missing you
they are not kissing you

the memory
of that
the faint brush
tender touch
of lips
lingering soft
but urgent
against yours
sharply inhaling
the exhale
your breath

the days
slowly yawn on
i yearn
for that
blessed moment
we were one


It is Sunday.
Just another day
which was supposed to be ours.

Here I am
Realizing that

Days don’t belong
to anyone

They are just
measures of time
fading into the nothingness
of the
eventual forgotten

it is Sunday

Just another day

I haven’t the Heart
The Desire
Nor the Wish
to share it with
anyone else.

Too Much

Brilliant and glowing
A star
A Sun
And you,
wandered towards the warmth
the brightness…
this was new
and for a minute
you were happy

But the heat
The sweltering heat
What once soothed
now scorched
What once gave soft light
Now blinded

It was too much of what it was
And not enough of what you wanted

Stars burn until they don’t.
And one
cannot hold jurisdiction over stars.

the rain

it’s raining and i miss you.
i wish you knew how extraordinary a thing that is.

the rain talks to me
softest pit-pat of drops against the glass pane
a gang of cats jogging across hot summer pavement
too quick to count
slightly silent
save for the rhythm
a staccato in unison
what a paradox

but it’s singing to me
and i think of you
your voice
(sweet songs kissing my ears)
your words
(drowsy mumbled love notes late at night)
and echos of
your laughter
(the happiest of dreams)

it’s raining and my arms feel empty
(where are you)
my hands restless
(i need to touch you)
the gnawing ache in my stomach
(i am empty)

my body is in a frenzied disparate hunger
one which cannot be easily sated


i listen to the wind
whipping water
at my window
it’s you next to me
speaking to me
singing to me
whispering to me
instead of
the rain


I didn’t want to talk to you.
Receiving your messages before, I shrugged them off.
Curtly. Succinctly.
And I owed you nothing. Not a damn thing. I didn’t have to call you back.

But I’m not built that way.
I’ve spent far too many nights reaching out to empty bottles and lonely walls echoing my wretched breathing and the staggering pace of a sickened heartbeat.
I’ve played the part of functioning human while all were none the wiser to the inner cataclysm that just seemed to be on a never ending loop of emotional implosion.

No. I didn’t want to talk to you.
But I didn’t want you to be lost in that all too familiar gaping void of isolated solitude, either.

Begrudgingly, I did what I had promised myself I would never do again.

I let you back in.

Gods curse my caring heart.