so again it bleeds
i pulled my scab too quickly
surely it will scar
Category: Poetry
San Antonio 2011
thought i was tired
smoking my last cigarette
in a city
not my own
watching another pack of stray dogs stroll stridently
tongues hanging loose
without a care
wonder what they’re thinking.
little bubble pops in my head
i wish i was a four-legged nomad
nonchalantly trotting along
with my gypsy canine counterparts
i’m not.
more like driftwood
always have been –
floating along
going where the tide takes me.
damn near burn my fingertips
on a bad habit
that does nothing to quell anxiety
night is done
alone
at sea
i will crash upon a shore
maybe
someone will snatch me up
carve me
into something useful
maybe even
beautiful
doubtful.
8 Years Ago
7/13/07
I think perhaps there is more to this
Than just a quick illicit stolen kiss
Yet, still my nights are spent without you
Some other human taking your place
And while you lay in your woman’s arms
I lure any others with my own charms
Still, I’m longing to hold just you
Your beautiful body
Gift of grace
So with great patience goes another day
Losing the struggle to keep lust at bay
And I yearn for the touch of you
But mostly, just the sight of your face
You’ll never truly belong to me
I will most likely take my leave
Though my heart surrendered to you
Clarity is crisp
This is not my Place
moth to the flame
He looked at her
as though she was the only one in the room
in the building
in the existence of mankind
She knew that look
and she felt weary
The last person she told
to not fall in love with her
did
She felt some part
of her spirit
sag
She wasn’t beautiful
perhaps attractive
She wasn’t successful
she managed to get by
She wasn’t a lot of things
but the life
she had lived
felt
seen
experiences
of varying extremes
lay idly and apparent
in her eyes
Maybe that’s what it was
Man’s base instinct
to either protect
or prey
She was smarter than the predators
Unfortunately
sympathetic to the ones who wished
to protect
She smiled at him
and with sadness buried deep
where only she could find it
thought to herself
here we go again
The Real Question
When all is said and done
when my fingers are stuck
curled and crippled
in clawed curvature
aged and arthrithic
when my breasts
flesh flattened and flaccid
hang and droop
tumbling out against
my wrinkled waist
when my eyes
clouded and closed
squinting up and away
barely grasping images
too youthful
too fast
too unknown
when every aspect
of my physical being
is falling into disrepair
has become completely
and utterly
unattractive
When my mind is a junkyard
full with bits of broken memories
imagined slights
pockets of mucked mire
where all fond remembrances
have drowned and disappeared
pits of putrescence
where once
was living thought
When all is said and done
in our life
This life
which we are sharing
Will you still stand by my side?
stop the noise
my vision is blurred
by voices
the loud cackling of their laughter jerks about wildly
having seizures right before my very eyes
i am made dizzy from watching the frenetic movement
of their drunken euphoria
my eyes shut
momentarily
but it is no better
thoughts insidious poison
rushing me
through me
around me
like a heroin shot to my heart
my soul begins to vomit
eyes forced to reopen
and to accept
this
imposing others inebriated glee
onto myself
to blind myself
from me
A Stray Cat Among Domestic Felines
A bit of everything. Light and fluffy. Hard and crusty. Whatever suits me. I wander cities, twitching under streetlights, restless…
Was offered a home once. Meals… always. Funny, those savior types. My collared contemporaries despise me.
Jealousy is such an ugly shade to attire oneself in.
Once, I curled next to a dog to keep warm against the cold of a horrible Chicago winter. Some alley in a neighborhood tourists never visit. We awoke and went our separate ways. Saw each other thrice after. Never once spoke of it.
I gave myself to a housecat for a month’s worth of food and lodging. Passed his litter later under a bridge and left them to move on.
You won’t believe me, but there was an overcast Saturday in March of ought seven when I saved a mouse from drowning.
And let him scurry along. Unharmed. Not a nibble.
*sigh*
Yes… a bit of everything.
Wandering is a tiresome gig.
Now I nap at a windowsill
I am neither hers
Nor is she mine
I see others like me, but not like me. Well-kept. Well-presented. Manicured and combed.
It makes me long for the nights of freedom and trashcan treasure hunting.
But I stretch along the sill. It’s consistent and the sun warms me, patchy bits and mangled tail. Half bitten ear jerking at the pattering of squirrels sprinting across the roof.
I suppose this is something.
And that is all.
unwell
I am bedridden
Nothing serious to the layman
All limbs are in working order
Complexion is healthy
Heart rate normal
Blood pressure perfect
Nary a sneeze or sniffle to arouse suspicion to contagion…
To the naked eye
I am seemingly
Fine.
However,
The man behind my curtain
Operating such wonderful
Yet complex machinery
Is tired.
He wonders if it is worth the facade anymore.
He feels sick
Disgusted
Loathsome
Of his hidden existence
And so,
without my consent
as though i had any choice in the matter
He has most rudely and irresponsibly
Left.
I am alone, now
Counting cobwebs
And ceiling cracks
With no idea
How to make myself
Work.