Imprisoned

Pouring regrets,
mistakes,
guilt,
into this
rocks glass

*neat please*

it’s the way…
the road
to perdition

a constant
hell
of one’s own making

exoneration
is a
pipe dream

as lucidity fades
culpability
becomes
a
faint tendril
disintegrating into
the dawn

forgiveness
teasing
with the
rising
of the sun

self-delusion

as it
diminishes

returns
to the
blurred
and sloppy
self-loathing
as the
exhaustion
of BEING
becomes a dense,
thickened, hairy
weight
on the
soul

all that is left
for respite
is sleep

only to
repeat
on the morrow

Bar America 2011

I wanted wisdom
but the filmy eyed bar woman – missing teeth… loosened flesh
gave me a beer

I tipped it back
expecting answers

none came.

Laughter
Cigarettes
Patsy Cline

huh… he likes Patsy Cline

Another bottle emptied
And Willie sings to me

from the jukebox

On the road again

It’s all so sad.
So heart-wrenchingly painful

Going places that I’ve never been

But I swig another
I dance a little
I glance at the tiny grandmother – smiling – calling me a taxi

random thought –

I was not meant for beauty

But I happened to get a taste
For a moment

Seeing things that I may never see again

And it was better than the bottle after bottle
I’ve held to my lips

A stranger pays for my cab
A friend calls me from home
A bed catches my stupor

And all I can think about
is the old woman who handed me a drink
and asked how I was doing

“I’m doing fine.”

as always.

…. And I can’t wait to get on the road again