my eyes grew smaller by the minute i should have been sleeping instead late night conversation next to you side by side in my bed fully clothed head to toe while we stripped down to the vulnerable nudity of our souls the soft cushions of the longed for hopes strewn haplessly unorganized dusty but present unearthing past dreams hidden under blankets in the corner my secrets and your demons whispering to each other co-conspirators partners in crime tendrils of one coiling towards the curls of the other linking intertwining unifying and i should have been sleeping yet there i was naked in my truth marveling at the stark authenticity of yours modesty is overrated
Category: love poems
Keeping Time
I would once become angry so angry fits of rage manic phone calls hours upon hours of making myself clinically insane I would show up drunk on a doorstep at 4 a.m. screaming crying tiny mascara rivers painting my cheeks black snot bubbles above a snarl no sense only scorn I could feel my heart being wrung twisted and contorted burning in agony from its mangled state A particular kind of torment one never forgets or hopes to endure again and I recall the panicked and confused stares eyes darting left right making sure the neighbors weren't witness to my psychotic scene I only wanted answers Why wasn't I worth the effort? What made me Less Than? Why was I bending like the reed and there they stood, unyielding oaks? Well. Years have come and gone ticks on a metronome keeping time for no one listening except myself I'm older so very Much. I no longer pitch fits dramatic displays are beneath me and more importantly take up far too much energy of which I have less and less One thing... the years have done nothing to diminish the corrosiveness of lost love's affliction The ache of my heart's suffering isn't reduced No It all still hurts the same It is only more familiar An unwelcome unavoidable guest I am forced to entertain every so often The difference now is I am much more aware of my worth despite the accompanying wretched emotional injury and no amount of tears wails impassioned pleas deranged theatrics and/or any and all will make a dent in someone else's minimal perception of my value It doesn't lead me to madness not anymore I am only burdened by sorrow for what the other person lost failed to grasp refused to see what could have been so. I mend what has been fragmented Allow myself the solitude to heal And in the quietude of another long night the metronome ticks ticks ticks
Untapped Potential Gone to Waste
He claimed to be "deeply in love" while continuing to ignore the concerns of the object of his supposed affection hurting her with inaction inflicting pain through purposeful neglect attempts at gaslighting when she came to close to shining the light on the darkened corners He specialized in self-delusion She knew this. She was not fooled by the facade She came from a family of people like him Yet, She chose to see the goodness So She gave chances. She offered patience and kindness. Because, as always she saw the potential in the person. She believed in evolution progress growth But She never lied to herself the way he managed to avoid self-truths day in and day out. And she knew in her heart of heart of Hearts recognizing what Could Be didn't make up for What It Wasn't. And it Wasn't Love.
False
Some loved her for her smile Others for her charm Some loved her style And how she adorned their arms One loved her cooking Some her soft heart The few that were looking Appreciated that part One found her clever And loved her quick wit Searching for Forever Convincing themselves She was It Never did one love her All Good, Bad, Fixed, Broken They remained blindly enthralled By traits they had chosen Yet each she loved in turn Hoping this time Love would stick She never could discern The Healthy from the Sick. She looked past the lies Ignored the flags of red Even as they grew in size "Oh, it's all in my head." One day her heart turned to stone Tired of her self-betrayal She would rather be alone Than love One who was unable To love her whole & complete The glistening gold and the muck The sour, bitter, and the sweet In forward motion or stuck. She would sooner wrap her hands around the sun Than be falsely loved by yet another one or some.
little by little
the wheels have been put into motion as the night goes long and my fingers fidget i laugh small short soft i've no ring to pawn pass on tuck away in a small box pushed to the back of a drawer to be forgotten until it is remembered during sad solitary sauvignon nights no so contemplation continues there was never a proposal the 'big rock" moment joyous tears speech impeding shock the announcement and following picture to the circle of friends oohing and aahing the phone call to parents sharing the same jubilant surprise no just an obligatory acceptance of wedding the mother of his children i would like to think he loved me i would like to believe i was more than a live-in maid nanny chef personal assistant i would like to hope that it wasn't all for naught yet i don't i can't i won't instead i will keep churning the crank operating the cold and tired machine rickety yet integral to and capable of shattering the shackles which once bound me to him
scrolling through
a photo of him grinning with a friend interrupted her afternoon of apathetic time wasting doom scrolling through political soundbites cartoons status updates announcing mostly the mundane and nestled between all of the nonsense there he was a snapshot he next to a gorgeous gal strands of his hair catching the wind eyes squinted against the sun smiling for the selfie and she was given the unwelcome reminder of the lost friendship the absence of being seen to the depths of her core by someone once considered Real and True making her also feel Real and True she didn't linger long the disconnect the indifference made this an easy pass good for him, living life... she thought remembering all the things she had wanted to do to explore to discover to talk over to dream about with him she kept swiping through knowing they only loved the idealized versions they had created of each other and that made it oh not so bad but damn if losing his companionship as a confidante didn't still Sting something Fierce
Electric
i see the glitter a glimpse into the eyes they are live wires shimmery specks of splendiferous shine fuzzing about the periphery of the pupils joyous crackles crinkling the corners happiness pure and present pouring abundantly out in a tiny grateful glance to be sighted and swallowed through such an ecstatic lens quickens the pulse i am dizzy and brought to much needed life
Unmuted
my love has always been quiet paw prints left new on freshly fallen snow shadowed cutouts upon the gauzy glittered mat the chill waft of the incoming storm-soaked wind cooling the beads of summer sweat on the shoulders of the worn the sizzle of the kindling feeding the small fire constant and dependable the gift subtle yet generous perhaps this is why i am flummoxed peace meets peace... and the world turns upside down the passion ensuing the blizzard brilliant and dangerous phenomenally blanketing all in crystalline splendor paw prints lost tenderly forgotten during kisses long urgent and soft the warmth of hearts colliding thunderous crackles the branches shaking to keep from roots dislodging as torrents pelt the peasant ground we splash in muddied puddles laughing in hysterics because why not your hand in mine flames flickering upward and outward silver slivers tinted white golden blue sparks splintering the darkness there is a blaze and we are the old the dying curling into smoke burning to ash ultimately rising anew my love has always been quiet until with you
July 3rd and I can’t sleep
I miss them all
despite the tears broken words spilling out into the vacuum of indifference guttural cries in the dark alone the cat dismayed at such overly dramatic displays of the Once Again coupled with the I'll Never Learn i do miss them not with the longing of what is lost forever nor the sentimentality of all the previous love's hazy rosy eyed gazes i miss the moments that were brand new sparkling gleaming like chrome before familiarity before we disappointed one another when we were unreal not of this realm this mortal plane no we were celestial beings odd outsiders crazy puzzle pieces fitting in a way quite unlike the others i miss the stars in our smiles i miss the way a small touch could set our skin on fire i miss the quiet breathing of sleep next to my awake the songs we hummed to the conversations during long rainy afternoons i miss the hops in our laughter every day being a better day because we were in it together i find i miss them most during the quiet nights my solitude, my haven the silence reminds me that i am alone so i miss them those who took my time, my space, my love, and nurtured it until it was no longer worth the effort yet i am made only that much more aware i miss the Me i always was in the beginning the most
ah
should have known better
fruit is always the sweetest
right before it rots
But Otherwise Fine 